I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

I have a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.

Interesting underwear is my favorite kind.

Self tie

What do tofu and dildos have in common?

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s two tired.

Channeling the 69 Boyz.

This is my costume. I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everybody else.

A friend asked how many fish I caught. I told him it’s not polite to fish and tell.

Did you think I could reveal these behind a blazer?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.

When I was a kid, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

A tornado’s favorite game is Twister.

I don’t buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip off.

Melons have weddings because they cantaloupe.

I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.

I bought a boat because it was for sail.

There’s nobody here, it’s just you and me

These triangle tops are pretty useless on me anyway.

Drop the shirt. We won’t need it where we’re going.

Hope this makes your Monday a bit better!

Hey there. Thanks for stopping by.

This is definitely thin enough to be noticeable. Oops.

I think lace and flannel make a great combination.