This is my costume. I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everybody else.

Forever top heavy

I’m having a great time today.

Earmuffs are crucial this time of year.

Been working hard on it!

Interesting underwear is my favorite kind.

What do tofu and dildos have in common?

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s two tired.

Flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

A friend asked how many fish I caught. I told him it’s not polite to fish and tell.

Ghosts don’t need living rooms in their houses.

A chiropractors favorite music is hip pop.

I don’t buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip off.

RIP boiling water, you will be mist.

Melons have weddings because they cantaloupe.

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.

Hope your Friday is a good one!

These triangle tops are pretty useless on me anyway.

Drop the shirt. We won’t need it where we’re going.

One yawn away from a wardrobe malfunction.

Hey there.

This is definitely thin enough to be noticeable. Oops.