I can’t with this heat. Can it be fall yet?

I have a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.

Sometimes I wish they were smaller.

Hide and seek champion right here. [OC]

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Remember boys, no points for second place.

Hey, I know that guy, he’s a nihilist.

A friend asked how many fish I caught. I told him it’s not polite to fish and tell.

Ghosts don’t need living rooms in their houses.

It’s easy to convince ladies not to eat tide pods. It’s harder to deter gents.

I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.

When I was a kid, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

A chiropractors favorite music is hip pop.

Melons have weddings because they cantaloupe.

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Dear math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did you expect that?

I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.

Nice and clean

These triangle tops are pretty useless on me anyway.

How is everyone doing this fine Thursday?

Let’s stay in bed today.

Just enjoying the sun!

They don’t stay covered for long.