Last night I had a dream I was swimming in a sea of orange soda

I have a secret

On the surface of things, whales are always blowing it.

Interesting underwear is my favorite kind.

What do tofu and dildos have in common?

Love isn’t random, we are chosen.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s two tired.

This is my costume. I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everybody else.

A friend asked how many fish I caught. I told him it’s not polite to fish and tell.

Did you think I could reveal these behind a blazer?

I don’t buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip off.

Melons have weddings because they cantaloupe.

I bought a boat because it was for sail.

I almost poked my eye out with the sweatshirt string on this reveal.

I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.

These triangle tops are pretty useless on me anyway.

Drop the shirt. We won’t need it where we’re going.

Add some sparkle to your life

Barely contained

How many shakes does it take to get to the nip slip?

This hangs in the closet along with the others I’m too scared to wear in public.

This is definitely thin enough to be noticeable. Oops.

Before heading out to the pool for lunch.

My goal for today is to not put on a bra.