Let’s flip a coin. Heads, you get tail. Tails, you get head.

I couldn’t help but notice I’d like to have sex with you on a regular basis.

Sitting on someone’s face who has a beard is like going for a little magic carpet ride.

It’s Tuesday and we all know what that means

Wanna get tangled in my tinsel?

I need some stocking stuffer ideas

Sleeping alone is a waste of my sexual talents

I love how you stand behind me when I need you most… and bend me over while you’re back there

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this isn’t going to be an ordinary blow job.

Well, tickle my tits. It’s Tuesday!

Titties. They do a body good.

What you call morning wood, I call breakfast in bed

There’s nothing like a cold shower on a hot day. Well, maybe hot sex on a cold day.

I need my ass to match my outfit.

I went on a limb when picking out this Raspberry Lemon Summer Ale by Tupps, but was very pleasantly surprised on how much I liked. Though, I proceeded to spill it everywhere after my shower. I’ll definitely be picking up more. 4.6% ABV.

Good morning all you sexy people

It’s hump day. Why am I not humping you right now?

That’s a wrap. Well, on just one can of Wild Acre Texas Blonde for this Texas brunette. Definitely will be choosing this refreshing brew for the hot Texas summer. 5.4%ABV

The irony of a blow job is even though you have her on her knees, she still has you by the balls

How’s it hanging hot stuff?

Cheers to my first shower beer in a while!

Let’s flip a coin. Heads, you get tail. Tails, you get head.

Of course size matters. No one wants a small cup of coffee

Another day, another true crime podcast while I work. Happy Monday!