On the 9th day before Xmas, Reddit brought to me — boobs and baubles. (F, 40, married, 2 snowed in kiddos, and lots of ugly sweaters.)

Merry Xmas all your horny dads! Thanks for spending your quarantine with me this whole year. I’ve really enjoyed it. (F, 40, married, 2 kids, needs a nap.)

10 days till Xmas countdown: Is this what you imagine is under an ugly sweater? (F, 40, married, 2 kids, thinks ugly sweater doesn’t mean ugly bras too.)

Why haven’t I posted? Unpacking, ankle is still busted, trying to sell the old house, handling contractors to improve the new one, & the usual kid bullshit of feeding, schooling & making sure they don’t die. (F, 40, married, 2 alive kids, figurati

I’m 40 today! I celebrated by twisting my ankle, moving houses, unpacking, entertaining kids with no internet, and fighting with my entire family! Moving during a pandemic is more fun than usual. Happy birthday to me! (Find the 🍑)

I’m taking a break from posting to move-just what this stressed mom needs during a pandemic. But I will be back in a few weeks. Survive without me, please. In the meantime, here is something to tide you over. (F, 39, married, 2 kids, will miss you horny f

It looks like when I’m on my knees, my tits pop out and my mouth opens. Strange and awkward during Pilates. (F, 39, married, 2 kids, googling Pavlov.)

Just waiting on my next work call and had a burning question. Are you part of the Resistance? (F, 39, married, 2 kids, always wanted a light saber.)

My husband dropped off the children this morning. I’m alone? I’m so confused I don’t know what to do with myself. (F, 39, married, 2 kids, doesn’t remember beforetimes.)

This is appropriate drop off wear, right? Definitely no one will notice in the car line. (F, 39, married, loves dropping off her 2 kids at actual school, actually has her tongue in cheek.)

It’s 8:30 and I’ve already been in zoom meeting hell. On the bright side, kids are in school so I can flash you in peace. I mean, work efficiently. (F, 39, married, 2 kids at irl school, begs you to not fuck it up so please wear your mask, wants to keep s

Today is already a shitshow. I opened the fridge and 7 layer dip fell on me and all over the floor. Somehow no one knows anything about it. I still had to make 2 packed lunches after cleaning. It’s only 8:30. (F, 39, married, 2 kids under 10, they don’t n

It is the first day of school. Yes, my kids are going in person. It’s only a half day, but fuck it, I’m celebrating. What I should do? (F, 39, married, husband is dropping off the 2 kids, I’m alone for the first time in months, wear your mask so they can

Congrats! We survived to the 73728254th quarantine Sunday with our families. At this point in this apocalyptic video game, I feel we should level up or we won’t make it. What character upgrades are you getting? (F, 39, married, 2 loud ass kids, buying the

Today was the shittiest day of all days. Quarantining with your family while trying to work full time should be banned. Who’s with me? (F, 39, married, 2 loudass kids, non productive WFH-er, may never leave the shower.)

I’m just a mom waiting in her car for socially distant karate to be done. Keep calm and carry on. (F, 39, married, 2 hyper kiddos, an actual paying job that I’m failing at, secret Reddit poster, and car flasher.)

Self care is important during a pandemic. Well that’s what I’m going with. (F, 39, married, 2 medium sized kids, generally exhausted from going nowhere, appreciates her Honda Odyssey.)

Everyone be quiet. I have a meeting. With my vibrator. I mean, a very important client. My sanity. (F, 39, married, 2 demanding mini tyrants, constantly exhausted even though I am going nowhere, and completely inefficient WFH-er)

The kids won’t stop fighting today. I’ve gotten 13 minutes of work done. No idea what is for dinner and the house is a shithole. This car is my sanctuary. God bless my Honda Odyssey. (F, 39, married, 2 warring parasites, mediocre WFM-er, spectacular takeo

Everyone is finally asleep and the house is quiet. What should I do? (F, 39, exhausted, married, mom of 2 mini dictators, marketer by day, and laundry avoider at night.

I’m just a mom sitting in the Costco parking lot socially isolating from her family and enjoying her panty free existence. F, 39 #lowquarantinegoals

For fuck’s sake, all I ask for is 1 hour of uninterrupted Pilates to replenish my dwindling serotonin levels. Send rescue drones stat. (F, 39, 1 husband, 2 parasites, needs quiet & an orgasm)

If pants are optional during quarantine, then bras should be too. I fully support feminists in the #nobramovement. Do you support free tits?

I’m literally just a mom trying to avoid her family and attempting to increase her serotonin levels. Fyi: there is no such thing as screen time limits during an apocalypse. (F, 39)