I had to escape my prison, I mean, get milk. And I seem to have forgotten panties. The inmates are not good at laundry. (F, 39, cellmates with 1 grumpy husband, 2 bored kiddos, not enough silverware, piles of laundry, and no silence.)

Just a mom hanging out in the back of her minivan. Carry on. (F, 39, semi tinted windows in her Honda Odyssey)

I suppose I have to get out of bed eventually. The kids will be hungry and or need tech support at some point, right? (F, 39, married, 2 littles, suffers from pandemic induced insomnia, believes WFH well is impossible.)

I think it is [F]riday. Not that it means anything. I may spend extra time in the Costco parking lot avoiding my prison, I mean home. No wait, I meant prison. (F, 39, married, shitty kid wrangler, WFH failure, amazing procrastinator.)

Congrats. We made it to Thursday. Only infinite more left in quarantine. I’ll be doing “email” in bed. Everyone shut up. (F, 39, married, 2 loud littles, a stressful job, and literally no desire to leave the bed.)

Let’s get this hump day started on a high note. When your home is your prison, you need all the happiness you can get. (F, 39, married, 2 kiddos under 10, mediocre WFH-er, closet Zoomer, 5 minute self orgasm stealer.)

Goodness, I’m not sure why this keeps happening. But at least the tits have their mask on? (F, 39, married, 2 kids, tiny tits that keep trying to escape.)

We made it through half of the quarantine week with your family! Congrats! You deserve an orgasm. I know I do. (F, 39, married, 2 mini dictators, fails to WFH productively, lingerie addict, misses privacy.)

Oops. Good thing I caught them. Just happy to find a quiet place to touch them without family invasion. Welcome to the backseat of my minivan. (F, 39, married, 2 kids, loves her Honda Odyssey.)

I was only interrupted 5x during my zoom Pilates class. I’m counting that as a win. #lowquarantinegoals (F, 39, married, 2 needy kids, impossible WFH job, disaster of a house, and ready for a nap.)

Oh just wearing my French maid’s outfit while making the bed at the fancy hotel I booked for my staycation. Nothing to see here. (F, 39, married, 2 kids, finally got away and is still cleaning.)

Does my bra match my dress? Asking for a friend. (F, 39)

If I wear a school girl outfit, will that help schools reopen in the fall? (F, 39, married, 2 hyper kids, believes in science, but holds our hope for miracles.)

I’m back from vacation! Back to wha trying to WFH and do zoom Pilates without parasitic interruptions. It’s Monday! Yay! (F, 39 married, 2 loud kids under 10, needs a vacation from her vacation, hates pandemic Mondays.)

Just some good clean fun on my family vacation. (F, 39, married, 2 kids, super wholesome.)

I did Pilates for an hour WITHOUT BEING INTERRUPTED. Do not fuck this up for me. If you are a super spreader and my kids have to homeschool, I will lock you in a room with my 8 year old while he dictates his every move on Roblox. You will wish for death.

These buttons keep getting undone. In my car. Af the drop off line. Tragic. (F, 39, married, 2 kids, appalled at her buttons.)

Kids are finally in school. Don’t have a meeting for 2 hours. Life is looking as good as it can get during a global pandemic. (F, 39, married, 2 kids, had low quarantine goals.)

I sort of forced myself to do this today. It’s been a rough few days with the world in shambles. So thanks for giving me something fun to do to forget for a minute. (F, 39, married, 2 kids, feeling ennui, but thankful for you group of horny dads for givin

The little flowers seem to be in just the right spot to make this mild. (F, 39, married, 2 kids, likes to test boundaries.)

Just checking my lipstick before my Pilates zoom class. Is there a smudge? (F, 40, married, prays that her 2 kids stay irl school, sick of zoom classes so wear as mask for fuck’s sake so I can show you cleavage in public again.)

Sorry, I think I have something right there. Do you see it? Right by my tongue? (F, 40, married, 2 kids, uses zoom as a mirror in Pilates class.)

It’s plaid time in New England again. (F, 40, married, 2 kids, freezing cold, is very flexible.)

Looking for something that may fit here. Taking suggestions. (F, 40, married, 2 kids, underutilized mouth, defective buttons.)