All men are equal before frogs

Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme 😜🤙🏻

Is it 🍑 szn yet?

Don’t be ashamed of you. It’s your parent’s job

Life isn’t perfect. But my Hair is!

No one: .Me: same thing we do every day, try and take over the world 😈

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere

I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded [f]airly well

Just wing it. Li[f]e, eyeliner, everything 💃🏼

Your chances of getting killed by a cow are low. But never zero, stay safe out there

Go wild for a while...

Merry Christmas eve eve, you filthy animals

It’s actually awesome how my body can take a hamburger and fries and turn it into more of my body

sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll

I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate- Darth Vader

A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it

Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, "How do you drive this thing?

Letting go o[f] a loved one can be hard, but sometimes its the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe!

No rest [f]or the wicked

New jacket who dis

I've been told im condescending... That means I talk down to people 😉

Are you a lucky little lady in the City of Light? Or just another lost angel... City of Night?

I read somewhere that if you change in public, you have to post pictures online or its bad luck, and I ain't about bad luck 🤷🏼